Monday, October 24, 2005

Prometheus in Boardman, or Bits and Bytes and a Bunch of Whites

Thanks to Forseti, I couldn't entitle this article; This is How Ended in Tokyo.

Thanks to Forseti, I am writing this article.

Post-modernism really does have its lines, and I drew those lines in the sand last-night. The Metaverse eats itself on a daily basis, and allows for nothing above or beyond itself. The cadence of every Second Life is out-drawn by a functional specification written by Dorian Grey.

How long can you walk on a rug that is a conversational piece?

I can't even whore up a proper analogy.

But the Metaverse punched me in the nose. A collective focus on its own existence by its inhabitants is the core of its being. The Metaverse is the Universe, and I already live in the Universe. I wouldn't go to an ACLU meeting either during The Rapture. Yeah, you got me.

I can't play dress-up with the boys and girls anymore because, for me, Second Life is not ontologically dependent on an asset server. Immersion was not the girl I dated in high-school. I didn't make-out with her, even if she did use that certain shampoo that drove boys like me crazy.

There are things that break your Metaverse, and they aren't scripted physical objects. If a racist kind of upsets you but a griefer makes you really angry, then you are a scripted physical object. I would rather not live in yet another world filled with NPC's.

I will echo what Prometheus must have been thinking; Malei Kamnei.

Tokyo by Cap'n Jazz

this is how it ended in tokyo. buildings rebuilt and billed to anyone dumb enough to be standing there. thanksgiving day. tossing eating wearing pigskin worn thin. torn teethly like the scaredy cat sacred custom goes. sweet chicken little eating lolli pox treats for turkey day. it's salmonella city. where we're worn thin. ordered to work in working order. bashful red shame and bold blue bruising whitey. hiding in houses looking like aching smiling faces. an oh, the comfortable forts we used to build with cushions and blankets. matching a patched up pair like us, apparently it's a given, given culture and all, we will break things just to call them broken. stained by this compulsion to ruin and name it art. (arthur to adults - "when you get caught between the moon and new york city..." (christopher kane?)) architects ache so they build. some subdivisions no matter how much pain or planning. no matter how much it matters. some ugly houses sprout up in rows. look like structures of sad accidents and broken happy plans. we named the clever chimp that picked up the first tool adam. we discovered we are really mostly just water. we pretend about a past to justify right now. we tell countless lies to make it through each day. keep on runnin' little bunny. keep on runnin'. all the duracell sold during the super bowl. and my disease. such an easy disease contagious as a yawn. my why chromosome.


  1. Panda, I know I've said this before, but this time I mean it - you are being overly dramatic.

    Since when you do buy into the whole SL-as-Metaverse thing anyway? All the time I've known you in SL, your time was mostly spent making people laugh with your wagging butt animation.

    Some ijit made some tired racist av. Everyone freaked out. The kid got the attention he wanted. Are you going to let the same dipshit be the reason you leave SL? Because you can't handle co-existing with his subpar ass on the same server grid? You're really going to let him (or LL's reaction to him) have that much power over your own free time and, one would assume, what used to be an enjoyable way to kill a few hours online?

    If you want to make a statement, knock yourself out. I think its stupid and it sucks, because the only ones that it really hurts are your friends you have inworld that enjoy your company and your companionship. No one else is going to know you're gone or why - LL isn't even making any money off of you, so why would they care - and your friends already know Racism Is Bad. Who are you falling on your sword for, exactly?

    If you want to quit SL, have some balls and don't blame it on some mentally malnourished mouthbreather that peed in your PC cheerios last month. Or else cancel your account quietly and go on with your life. Don't drag that shit out so everyone can sob and cry and beg you to come back. Don't be that hypocritical.

    You know I love your ridiculous self. You KNOW I do. I don't know the real reasons you're quitting - I can hazard guesses, but I don't know for sure - but I would hope that you wouldn't try wrapping it up in melodrama unworthy of a bad sitcom. (Wrapping it up in overblown English grad student language doesn't make your reasons any more highbrow, either, love.)

    You're above this shit. Your friends love you and care about you. I'm sorry the ennui of so many NPCs in SL wins out over them. That's a sucker excuse, and you're not a sucker.



  2. I love ya Panda but I'm with Cory on this one. The "Metaverse" (or whatever the blast we want to call it) will be defined by its inhabitants. You can either shape the new world by being a vociferous voice for what you believe, or you can leave it to other people to shape it in your absence.

    It's up to you, but were it up to me, I would rather see you reminding the Lindens at every opportunity that they deemed 3 hours of server downtime as a greater crime than blatant racism.

  3. Well I hope you change your mind Panda. We don't know each other very well -- I was looking forward to changing that through slog -- but I will miss you just the same and keep my fingers crossed that cory's comment makes you change your mind. She was tough on you, but she's right, ya know.

    If the dark side of SL is corroding your enjoyment, then yes, step away. In any open-door human endeavor you will find the good with the bad. We've got racist, griefing kiddos and dedicated organizers of Race for Life, and Katrina benefits.

    We all build emotional walls to guard ourselves from the messiness, so that we can ignore it and focus on the things that matter -- like meaningful relationships with good people, links to people who can inspire and educate and challenge us, or even just the ability to tune out the world and slap a few prims around in peace.

    Aimee's point about shaping the world rings true. You don't even have to be an activist to have a positive presence. If you can't convince yourself to change your mind, then at least take a sabbatical, and examine the "quit" decision again in a few weeks or months.

  4. But yeah, I still think we should chain you to a rock in boardman. We can even script a bird to gnaw on you all day long, if that (b)eats some sense into that silly head of yours.

  5. Panda, you must win. For if you do not, you will lose.

  6. OK, here's something you don't see every day. Wake the kids and call the neighbors, to steal a line.

    I was harsh. I was way harsh. I hurt the feelings of someone I care about very much. I apologize.

    I don't retract the meanings or the feelings behind my statements, but I retract the venom I used to express them.

    Most people that have read what I write come to the accurate conclusion that I rarely pull punches. I'm not a peacemaker. Forseti is much better at that than I. Its a gift I don't have.

    It hurts, panda, to be your friend in this position. It feels like you're dumping us over some asshole who probably failed 6th grade twice and some overworked admins at LL. I know that's not how it looks inside your head, but that's how it feels to me.

    I didn't use this analogy earlier because its so overwrought, but it feels something like when someone kills themselves because of all the terrible things in this world and the terrible people in it and the terrible people that let it happen. And that person's friends and family are left saying "but we cared, we were there for them, we understood, and we hoped we would be enough to buffer them from life's rotten realities".

    Take your joy where you can find it, and fuck the rest. Spread the joy you have around to those that want to share their with you.

    I'm sorry I was harsh, and I was harsh because I was hurt. Its not an excuse, per se, I know that. You have your reasons. I can think whatever I want about them, but I respect your right to have them and act on them.

    Come back if and when you're ready. We'll be around. I'll be around.

    PS I don't take back what I said about the English grad school language. Seriously man, we know you're smart, ok? ;)

    <3 you man

  7. Panda, I'm sorry to hear you're leaving. Of course we all feel a tad slighted, but the botom line is that if SL brings you more annoyance than fun, then you should leave it. That's true of anything, life is too short and there are too many new fart gestures to make.

    From my standpoint, your expectations of moral excellence from a company who simply hosts space on a server is unrealistic. Linden employees are overworked, understaffed and swamped on good days. I'm not offering this up as an excuse but an explanation to why an issue you felt so strongly about was overlooked. And I'm sorry it was. And I hope you either reconsider, or decide to leave but pop back in once in a while to say hi to a bunch of people who enjoyed your silly company. Peace Fleece.